June 04, 2003
By Rosanne Rosen
A trend emerges
At the start of the 20th century, with an average life expectancy of 47.3 years, few people experienced empty nests.
By 2010, an estimated 36 million people will have become empty nesters.
As noted by Maddy Dychtwald, co-founder of the Age Wave consulting group and author of Cycles: How We Will Love, Work, and Buy (Free Press, $26):
* The typical period after parenthood exceeds the child-rearing years.
* Individuals are defined by life stage, not age.
* More empty nesters leave and re-enter the job market, embrace continued learning and reinvent themselves.
* Jane Adams -- author of When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on With Our Lives (Free Press, $23) -- will appear on Good Morning America at 7 a.m. today on WSYX (Channel 6). A story about the book will appear Thursday in Accent. Empty nesting is looking up.
Parents used to view the idea of children moving out as a negative experience.
Feeling old, they thought they'd lost their chance at life, according to Maddy Dychtwald, author of Cycles: How We Will Love, Work, and Buy .
''Today, parents anticipate empty nests with a mixed feeling of sadness and tremendous excitement,'' Dychtwald said. ''Most are eager to get there.''
The departure of grown children opens the opportunity for change, growth and adventure.
''Options," she said, "are limited only by our imaginations.''
Realized dreams
Billy and Lainie Ruben of Columbus altered their lifestyle 180 degrees after children Jennifer and Andy left for college.
In 1994, at ages 50 and 47, the Rubens sold their jewelry business and almost everything else but their home.
Buying a recreational vehicle, they set off without an itinerary.
''We saw too many people say, 'When I retire, we will do this,' '' he said. ''Too many got sick, and it never happened. We could do it because our children were very self-sufficient and their college was taken care of.''
''Billy and I stripped down to the bones,'' she said, ''and did things we had never done. We had no cash flow.''
During their 3 1/2 years on the road, they camped and backpacked, got lost on their first hike in the Great Smoky Mountains and went to a Rose Bowl parade.
Upon their return to Columbus, they sold their Bexley home.
She took a job with the Literacy Council; he joined the Central Ohio Diabetes Association before returning to work in the jewelry business a few years later.
The Rubens exemplify the Dychtwald model: movements in and out of the labor market, reinvention and changing values.
The model differs from a linear lifestyle, which calls for the progression of adulthood, marriage, children, work and retirement.
'Crazy' ideas
Albert and Cheryl Onega became empty nesters at 57 and 55, after their four children completed undergraduate and graduate degrees.
He hadn't thought much about their new status, he acknowledged.
''I guess the realization that there are no kids around and that's the way it is going to be kind of comes on you,'' said Albert, an engineer-turned-farmer. ''It starts you to think about other avenues you haven't thought about in 25 years.''
Five years later, the couple live in Old Washington, about 90 miles east of Columbus.
He asked his wife: ''Well, what are we going to do? Sit here and raise pigs for the rest of our life?''
They knew they wanted to do something different while still healthy.
After reading a farm-journal article about the Peace Corps need for mature couples with agricultural backgrounds, they enrolled.
''Our friends thought we were a little bit crazy,'' both said.
In 1997, she took a leave of absence as a teacher's aide.
The couple left their working farm in trusted hands and began a two-year stint in the Solomon Islands: He taught agriculture and math; she handled English and business.
The experience changed them.
''I am a different kind of person than I thought I would be at this stage,'' she said.
''I had always been a money-oriented type,'' he said. ''That has become less important to me.''
With a broader perspective, a desire for adventure and a concern for people in underdeveloped countries, they have signed up again.
They are awaiting word on where the Peace Corps will send them in the fall.
New priorities
The Onegas aren't the only ones using this stage of life as an opportunity to ''give back.''
With the onset of empty nesting, Caroline Rabinowitz of Seattle took a year's sabbatical in 2002. She was 55 when Alexis, the youngest of her four children (ranging in age from 36 to 16), entered boarding school.
Before, Rabinowitz took one to two weeks to herself every other year for an Outward Bound experience and kayaked, went dog sledding or climbed mountains.
''My priority has always been my children.''
However, when she reached what she called her ''new developmental stage,'' she decided that she ''wanted to do service.''
The cartographer, photographer, adventurer and grandmother said she found a good fit with the Earthwatch Institute, which estimates that 40 percent of its volunteers are older adults.
Joining forces as a volunteer with scientists and researchers, Rabinowitz signed up for 10 expeditions. During the year, she photographed archival research in Peru, coral-reef damage in the Bahamas and Mayan archaeological excavations in Chile.
''That year came about as close as I could to doing my dream,'' she said. ''Ten years ago, I wished I could walk around the world. Now I am doing it slowly.''
At the same time, Rabinowitz's husband, Eric Wolf, 49 and also a cartographer, took a year's sabbatical in Scotland to learn to play the bagpipe.
Adventure travelers
Joan Rattner Heilman, travel writer and author of Unbelievably Good Deals and Great Adventures That You Absolutely Can't Get Unless You're Over 50 (Contemporary, $14.95), says an empty nest also altered her attitude.
When her three children, now in their 30s, lived at home, Heilman typically traveled with them.
After they moved out, Heilman said, ''I could leave the house and didn't have to worry about who was having a party.''
Her travel took on a more adventurous hue.
''I did a week in Yellowstone camping and riding horses.''
The adventure-travel business has boomed among those 50 and older. They are more well-educated, have more disposable income, are in better physical shape and feel 15 years younger than they are, Heilman reports.
Some other empty nesters choose to focus on their homes -- either upgrading or purchasing a new one.
Tom and Suzy Werman sold the Los Angeles home where they raised their children and moved cross country. ''I was bouncing around. My career was over. A golf buddy of mine gave me a book about embracing change,'' Werman said.
In their mid-50s, the couple left gridlock to buy and renovatea farmhouse in Lenox, Mass., and open a bed-and-breakfast.
''I never imagined we could be this happy. We are blissed out,'' he said. ''On every level, life is better.''
Demographic changes
Empty nesting is continuing to evolve as baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964 and comprising one-third of the U.S. population) continue to reach this stage.
In the future, the empty-nest lifestyle will reflect the composition of the boomer generation, says demographer William Frey at the Brookings Institution in Washington.
As a group, Dychtwald said, they are intellectually curious rule-breakers, activists and innovators who are used to fulfilling their needs.
They ''will reinvent the second half of life,'' she added, ''and empty nesting will take on more importance than retiring.''
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